Top 10 Books I Read in 2022

Trigger warning: suicide, self-harm

I considered to end my life in the beginning of 2022. Well, that is a strong sentence to start a year-end book list that’s supposed to be anodyne. But, that’s the reality and I’m so much relieved that I can pass through those dark days without barely scratch.

The new year day passed by just like any other day. I just got long Christmas break from previous workplace who still maintained WFA policy, so I spent it with my family and friends. However, when I came back to work after this break, which is ironically called wellness week, I didn’t feel well. Suddenly I had this inexplicable dread. My heart couldn’t stop pounding. But as expected from a man by the society, I ignored it and toughened up. It didn’t work, obviously. The feeling got even worse; I always wanted to puke every time I heard email or Slack notifications. I refused to sleep, not because I had so much energy, but because I didn’t want to wake up the next day. I had a lot of dark thoughts that made me scared. I had this urge to hurt myself, but because I was a coward, I could only force myself to eat spicy food till my stomach hurt. I was always fascinated by tattoos and I constantly wanted to stop by tattoo parlor and got injected by ink and felt something. Any physical pain to take my mind off the mental pain. Because how can you stop and heal invisible pain?

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. On a Sunday my heart kept pounding for the whole day. Usually weekends were safe for me, they are something that I looked forward to every day. But now, weekends were not safe anymore and this apparently was not only caused by work. I decided to seek professional help first thing in the morning the next day. My manager, bless his heart, gave me break so I could sort my life out, and I would always be indebted to him. So, I visited a shrink who prescribed me with sleeping pills and antidepressants. Who would’ve thought that these things work? After taking them, I felt so much better. My mind was clearer and I felt like I could conquer the world. But I felt like I had to remove one of stressors and I was privileged enough to resign from my job and take a break from work. I took a road trip to Bali with my parents. I enjoyed slow life. I begin to see to the end of tunnel. And I began to enjoy reading again.

The thing is, when you’re depressed, it’s hard to enjoy something that you usually enjoy. This year, it’s a bit hard for me to pick up a book and get immersed in it when my mind’s incessantly filled with dark things. But if there’s one thing that I can learn from this journey, that is I need to take life a bit slower. It’s funny because I am the translator of Haemin Sunim’s self-help books which always encourage their readers to be more mindful and take break more. It’s as if life forced me to walk the talk (or in this case, walk the thing you translate).

So that’s why, for this year, I only managed to read 50 books, way lower than these past two years. But it’s okay. Reading is not a race and I don’t want to force myself to read when I wasn’t in the right state of mind. So, here are top 10 books that I still can enjoy in this bleak year.

10. Alexene Farol Follmuth – My Mechanical Romance

Alexene Farol Follmuth is more known from her science fiction works as Olivie Blake (The Atlas series) and My Mechanical Romance is technically her first book. (In Stefon’s voice) If you’re a young adult book reader, this book has everything: woman in STEM, cute guy, enemies to lovers, and slow-burn romance. This book has no business of being this cute and making me want to relive my awkward years of high school.

9. Susanna Clarke – Piranesi

The anticipated sophomore effort from Susanna Clarke looks tiny compared to her gigantic 1000-page of Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell. Piranesi “only” boasts around 250 pages. But underneath its thinness, Clarke manages to build a labyrinthine world (quite literally) and creates an engaging mystery revolving this world. Once you’ve grasped the world, it’s very hard to put down this book.

8. David Grann – Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI

Let’s be honest. We (and by we, I mean I) read Killers of the Flower Moon because we want to show off our knowledge before the Martin Scorsese’s adaptation comes out supposedly this year. But the film is pushed back to next year and I look like a fool, but surprisingly Killers of the Flower Moon is interesting. Grann’s investigation took us to the murders of affluent and rich Osage Nation in the 1920’s. Even though, right from the first page, we already know that the killers are definitely, surprise surprise, white people, Grann is still able to engage his readers with pictures and background of the people and their community.

7. Mutiarini – The Privileged Ones

Mutiarini’s The Privileged Ones is all meat, no fat. In just less than 250 pages, Mutiarini is able to deliver a discourse on what privileges actually are. Here Mutiarini that everyone is born into some kind of privileges, whether we realize it or not. We may able to look at all physical and material ones, but being born into supportive family and a lot of other things are also some kind of privilege. With such complex and foreign concept for young adults, Mutiarini can do it effectively, not to mention that the book also tries to touch the subject of feminism, class inequality, and sexuality. All these subplots are wrapped nicely, making the book even stronger.

6. Ursula K. Le Guin – The Left Hand of Darkness

It’s hard to understand the worldbuilding of The Left Hand of Darkness immediately. Le Guin kept throwing Gethenian terms and leaving us to pick up the meaning from the context and conversations of Genly Ai. In a way, this emulates the foreignness and alienation that he’s thrown into. But once you’re clicked, you will be amazed at how ahead of time this book is. A pioneer in a feminist science fiction, The Left Hand of Darkness explores ambisexual community and clashes it the Earth’s point of view.

5. Min Jin Lee – Pachinko

Min Jin Lee’s Pachinko spans more than 80 years and across four generations. This long timeline is necessary because it explores the generational trauma of a Korean family. What begins from a young girl who came from a poor family in remote Korea during the Japanese occupation of the peninsula begins into tapestries of tragedies that several Korean generations must endure during that colonization.

4. Robert Jackson Bennett – Foundryside

In his first series, The Divine Cities, Robert Jackson Bennett literally killed a god. His newest series don’t feature deicide anymore, but it doesn’t mean that Foundryside is less interesting (if killing god is your interest). Built atop of wonderful magic system and interesting worldbuilding, Bennet’s Foundryside lays a foundation for the next unforgettable epic fantasy series.

3. N. K. Jemisin – The Stone Sky

After following Essun’s adventures and adversities in the first two books, her journey culminated in The Stone Sky where she embarked on the biggest mission of bringing Moon back and finding her own daughter before it’s too late; the latter is more important for her as a mother. Jemisin closes the Broken Earth trilogy with a bang and clearly the best book of the trilogy.

2. Douglas Stuart – Young Mungo

In order for me to secure the signed Young Mungo and import it to this country, I must ask Waterstones to remove the provocative book sleeve before shipping it because I’m worried this book won’t be able to get in this “beautiful” country. But the effort is worth it. With Young Mungo, Douglas Stuart goes two for two with tragic queer story set against the Glaswegian backdrop. This time, Stuart delivers a modern and queer retelling of Romeo and Juliet, a star crossed and tragic love story between two guys from Protestant and Catholic families, that even makes Shakespeare roll in his grave.

1. R. F. Kuang – Babel

The full title of R. F. Kuang’s Babel is actually Babel, Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators’ Revolution. This long title is as if it’s trying to reflect the long content and buildup that Kuang has put in the book. And in a way, it’s fitting. Compared to her Poppy War series, Babel feels more slow. She’s a patient writer, as she lets probably the forty percent of her book filled with her thorough research on 1800s British empire and Oxford background. Yet, slowly and subtly, Kuang sows the seeds of betrayal and revolution before it’s ripe in the climax. As you know from her Poppy War, no one is safe in R. F. Kuang’s book. That sentiment still echoes in Babel, but this time this feels even more necessary to mirror that no one is safe during revolution. But, the best part about Babel is Kuang’s ability to blend in reality and fantasy elements together. She’s so good that the book makes some white readers felt attacked as Kuang pokes around their white guilt and forces them to look at white atrocities straight in the eye. And just for that alone, Babel is already a masterpiece and a classic.